They Should Put A Warning Label On Those Frogs
by Crispina Echidna
Summary: After feasting on some Chocolate Frogs, Sirius wreaks havoc on his fellow dormmates! Hyper!Sirius, Annoyed!Remus, SemiHyped!James, and Wallhating!Peter REVIVED, please see chapter 6 author note before reading.
1. HOW many Frogs at once?

Disclaimer: Ugh, this is the ONLY time I'm gonna say this!

**I do not own Harry Potter!**

If I did, Sirius/Remus would be canon, Lily and James would be brought back to life, that icky Veil in the DoM would be burnt before Siri fell through it, and the Marauders(Excluding Peter) would be my love slaves O.o

* * *

**Chapter 1**

* * *

"I AM THE EBIL ONE! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"...Okay, whoever thought it would be a bright idea to give Padfoot sugar, please step forward now!" Remus glared at his fellow dorm-mates, as Sirius continued his semi-evil laugh of DOOM!

James grinned and joined Sirius in his cackle-ness. "Muahahahahahahah-," "NO JAMES!" James glared at the sugar-hyped animagus. "What? You gotta problem with the way I cackle?"

"YES!", Sirius nodded still grinning from the rush of eating about 10 Chocolate Frogs at the same time...don't ask how he did it...he just did.

"If you use a 'U' it doesn't sound as good! The 'w' make it sound WAY more ebil-er!"

Peter blinked, and turned to Remus. "Where the Hell does he come up with this stuff?"

Remus sighed shaking his head. "Who knows Wormtail, who knows."

"Oooh Ooooh! I know I know!" Sirius hollared.

"Ugh, what Sirius?"

"'Cause I am...THE EVIL ONE! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Oi! I thought you said you were the 'ebil' one?"

"...I changed my mind."

Peter hit his head against the nearest wall, "Merlin, save me from these idiots."

Sirius glared at Wormtail, which was pretty hard to do sense he was now bouncing up and down on his four-poster bed, just barely hitting his head on the ceiling. "I RESENT THAT!"

Remus rolled his eyes, "I'm sure you do Padfoot."

"Weee! Weee! Weee-OW!" Sirius came crashing down onto his bed, nursing his poor abused head. "Damn ceiling! I told you we should have gotten rid of it!"

James fell off his bed laughing, landing with a thump. "GAH!"

"HAHA! Now you know what it feels like to have an injured head! My poor head! Why must it go through so much torment! SOB! PAIN! AAAAGOOOOOONYYYYYY!"

Remus sighed, for what seemed like the 107th time today, and picked up a book to read. "I'm sorry for those poor brain cells that were damned to begin with, ending up in his noggin."

Sirius grinned at him. "Thanks Moony!"

"...Sure, you're welcome Padfoot."

* * *

So, how was it? I haven't done a humor fanfiction in a while so cut me some slack! Well, please review! Or else I shall send the sugar hyper Sirius over to your homes!...And I bet some of you will want that...hm...

Well, if you DONT review I shall NOT send a sugar-hyped Siri-kins to your house! How 'bout that! So yeah, hit the perty lil button in the corner, and your number one fantasy will come true!

And if I get a good amount of them, I'll even send Remus too!...but you can only loan him for an hour. ONE HOUR ONLY! For he is my werewolf! -Huggles Remy-

* * *

Bye-bye! 


	2. Glomps From Sirius!

Thanks ffacowgirl, IceHeart48, watching-waiting-wishing, LilyflowerJamesprongs, Lily x James 4 eva, Helena Valentine, and Elbereth Gilthoniel for reviewing! hehe!

You guys are all awesome!

Well, here is chapter two!

* * *

**Chapter 2!(Glomps From Sirius!)**

**

* * *

**

It had been about 15 minutes sense Sirius went silent and shut the curtains surrounding his bed. (After sticking a large sign that read "No Girls Allowed" in large blue letters on the openings of said curtains).

At first they thought he was dead, but after hearing him jumping again, and once in awhile seeing his head pop-up from over the gaurded bed, they decided to ignore him.

Looking up from his book, Remus heard a creek coming from the door.

In came the Marauders friend Frank Longbottom, who currently was carrying a stack of books that reached to his eyes.

Almost instantly Sirius' curtains to his 'lair' were jerked open and Sirius dashed out.

"Frank! Wanna join my club! But only you are invited cause all the others were mean to me!"

Peter looked up from his Transfiguration Essay looking offended. "I wasn't being mean to you!"

Sirius looked thoughtful for a second then grinned. "Okay Peter! You can be in my club!" He sent a glare in James, and Remus' direction. "But THEY can't!"

Frank blinked. "Erm, sorry Sirius, I gotta do my Potions essay..."

Sirius blinked once...then twice...then twice again..."Okay! More fun for me and Wormtail!" That said, Sirius ran over to Peter and glomped him. "SQUEE! My true friend!"

Peter and Sirius fell over at the force of the hug, landing on the floor with a thud. "Ow! Sirius!"

The dog animagus grinned at his smaller friend. "Ha! Now you and Prongsie over there know what it feels like to have your head abused!"

"...But I fell on my arse."

"...Same diff!"

James threw his Charms book at Sirius, missing him completely, only to have Peter bonked on the head by it. "Ow! Prongs!"

James winced. "Sorry Pete!"

Sirius grinned wickedly and looked over at the silent werewolf. "That only leaves...MOONY!"

At hearing his nickname Remus looked up, only to be plowed over by the sugar-hyped animagus. "Gah! Sirius! Gerroff!"

"Nope! Sorry Moony! Not until you learn your lesson!"

"Okay...that didnt soundas bad before I actually said it..."

"I'm sure Padfoot, now could you PLEASE get off me?"

Sirius shook his head still grinning like a madman. "Nope! Sorry Moons! Not happenin'!"

Remus sent him one of his 'I'm gonna punch you in the face' glares. "Well then, either you will let go, or during the next full moon there will be more than one Werewolf rooming in the Shrieking Shack."

"Eh...hehe..." Sirius let go of Remus and sat down on his bed. Frank looked over at Remus knowingly. "Remus! You shouldnt use your Werewolf powers for good!"

Sirius looked up confused.

"You know about Remus? And what do you mean 'for good'? I would become a werewolf to! So I could bite your ass Longbottom!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Padfoot, most people die from the bite of a werewolf. If I were to bite you while I was Moony you'd most likely die."

"...And what if I survived? Hmmm? Hmmm? Didn't think about THAT did you? Hmm?"

Peter once again hit his head against the wall.

"Forget it." Remus sighed, going back to his book.

Sirius pouted, but grinned once more when he saw that Frank had put away his books. "HUG!" He screeched glomping Frank like he did with Peter and Remus. "SIRIUS!"

James looked over at him, his eyes glazed with fake tears. "Padfoot? Don't I get a hug?"

"Awwww! I'm sorry Jamie!" He dropped Frank to the floor and ran over to James, tackleing him to the ground. "Gah! I was joking Sirius!"

Remus sighed as Peter continued to put an indent of his forehead into the wall, and Frank tried to push air through his, most likely, crushed windpipe. Merlin, it would be a long night.

* * *

Hope you like! I'll get another chapter up tomorrow! Or maybe even tonight! Thanks for all of your awesome reviews! 

Oh and, THE LOAN FOR REMUS IS OVER! -Grabs Remy from Helena Valentine- HE IS MY WOLFIE! -Is currently sending Sirius clones to all of the reviewers houses, along with bucket loads of sugar-

* * *

Byes! 

CLICK THE PURPLE BUTTON!


	3. The Chicken Lord

Gah! Sorry for not updating! And this is gonna be a short chapter . sorries! I'll update later and it will be an extra-long chapter 'cause my friend will help me out with it!(And if she doesn't I will make her . )

Thank you to my two review(LOL)-ers; Helena Valentine, and watching-waiting-wishing!

* * *

**_CHAPTER 3! "The Chicken Lord."

* * *

_**

Poke. "Remus," Poke. "Remus," Poke. "Remus," Poke. "Rem-" "WHAT!"

Sirius pulled his hand back a hurt look on his face. "I-i'm s-s-orry..," Tears started welling up in the animagus' eyes.

"Er..." Lupin blinked a few times and sighed...again. "I'm sorry Padfoot, I didn't mean to ye-"

"YAY! HUG!...AGAIN!"

Remus dodged the glomp and rolled off his bed. "No hugs for Moony, Sirius!"

"Awww...C'mon Moony! Peter, Paul, and Mary over there aint not fun to hug!"

Frank and James glared at him. Peter just kept wacking his head on the poor abused wall. Remus blinked. "'Aint not fun'?". Sirius grinned and nodded.

Remus sighed...that might cause some breathing problems in the future O.o ."Butchering the English language, one syllable at a time."

"And damn proud of it!"

"That I am sure of..."

"SQUEE! I wanna hug Remmie!", Remus couldnt dodge this hug and was squashed in-between Sirius and the floor.(As a Remus/Sirius shipper, and one who was kicked out of the theatre for hollaring slash-related comments during PoA I would take this time to have them start snogging...But sense this is not a slash fic I shall hold back my urges)

"Ugh! Sirius gerrof-wait...did you just call me 'Remmie'?"

Ignoring the question Sirius jumped off of Remus and ran over to Frank's bed, landing on his Potions essay. "Oi! Sirius, couldn't you 'ave squashed James' essay instead of mine?"

"Eh, nope sorry Frankie, Jamie's essay just isn't as homey as yours."

Peter stopped his head-banging, and looked over at Sirius. "What the Hell is with the 'ie's?"

Sirius grinned...again O.o. "Silly! Everyone knows 'i' comes before 'e' in the alphabet!"

"Hehe...I could be a french fry..."

"What the Hell...?" Remus slammed his head down on the floor. "You know what? I don't wanna know..."

"Oh but the chickens know Remmie! And sense you asked...the chickens shall answer...for they know all..."

"Well, where are the chickens?"

Sirius glared at him. "Do not question the chickens Moony! or else you too, shall become a french fry like myself...I disobeyed them...so they turned me into a chicken french fry..."

James blinked. "So...that means you used to be a chicken too?"

"Hush Jamie!" Sirius clamped a hand over James' mouth. "No one else is to know...that I...am a spy for the chicken lord..."

Peter looked up again. "The chicken lord?"

"Yes, the chicken lord..."

"The one who lives on white-meat lane?"

"YES! That one! Now hush Peter Pan!"

"Who is Peter pan?"

"I do not know! Ask the chickens!"

"But you're a chicken so you can answer me..."

"DO NOT SPEAK OF IT PETER!"

Remus groaned and rolled under his bed. "Wake me when he is asleep."

"Remus don't go under there!" Remus peeked out from under the bed. "And why shouldn't I?"

"...uh...Becuase the Chickens are under there!"

"..." The werewolf went back under for a few moments and came back out. "Padfoot, there's nothing under here besides dust-bunnies..."

"Well...er...THE CHICKENS ARE DISGUISED AS THE DUST-BUNNIES!"

"...Goodnight Padfoot." Sirius gasped. "Moony no!"

* * *

What will happen? Will Remus get devoured by the chicken-dust-bunnies? Will Peter keep abusing the poor wall? Will Frank fix his essay? Will James get Sirius to let go of his mouth? Find out next time on...DRAGON BALL Z!...er...I mean..."They Should Put Warning Labels On Those Frogs"!

* * *

So there ya go's Happy reading and er...Helena Valenitne, I knew that was a clone!...I really did! -Shifty eyes- 


	4. Cease and Desist

A/N: I am terribly sorry for the wait. School started up a bit ago, and I have not had much free-time. Here is the update. Also, I'd like to thank my reviewers, for without them, none of this would be possible ;-D

watching-waiting-wishing, The Marauder Named Prongs, warm summer days, AlchemicPirate, Helena Valentine, Passionate Fire, Me Myself and I, WeRtheFutureScaredYet, FairiesandDragons911,ladyBlue Wolf, blackcatfrenzy, IceHeart48, and siriuslynotserious ! Thank you all so much for your awesome reviews!

* * *

Last time...

Remus groaned and rolled under his bed. "Wake me when he is asleep."

1 "Remus don't go under there!" Remus peeked out from under the bed. "And why shouldn't I?" 

"...uh...Because the Chickens are under there!"

"..." The werewolf went back under for a few moments and came back out. "Padfoot, there's nothing under here besides dust-bunnies..."

"Well...er...THE CHICKENS ARE DISGUISED AS THE DUST-BUNNIES!"

"...Goodnight Padfoot." Sirius gasped. "Moony no!"

* * *

Now...

Sirius grabbed the back of Remus' shirt, yanking him out from under the bunnies-of-dust infested bed.

"Sirius! There are no dust bunnies!"

"Of course there isn't, they're chickens!"

They were interrupted by James poking- did I say poking? I meant, STABBING Sirius in the back of his head with his wand.

Disgruntled, Sirius glared at his friend, not noticing Remus inch back under his four-poster. "What the Hell do you want Prongs?"

James didn't answer, and continued to jab him with his wand. "James! Cease and desist!"

Peter looked up from his head-banging. "Ya know, it's very likely that Sirius doesn't know the meaning of either of those words."

Sirius huffed in annoyance at his fellow Gryffindors. "As a matter of fact Peter, I DO know what they mean,' cease', means to stop, to end, or t-" , he was interrupted in the middle of his 'lesson' when he felt something wet on his hand- which was still covering James' mouth. "Ack! What the Hell!?"

Ripping his hand away, he wiped the saliva onto his robes, sending a disgusted look towards James, who was grinning impishly.

"That was sick, Prongs, just sick, and because of that, you will never be aloud in my club, EVER! So nyah!" That said, he hopped into his bed, pulling the curtains closed.

A few seconds passed by with nothing but silence. Peter said, to nobody in particular, "I think I just heard a pin drop on carpet..."

A muffled voice came from under Moony's bed. "Is he done?"

James nodded, "Yep, you can come out." Remus rolled out from under the bed, sighing in relief.

Frank looked up, "You know, a friend of mine once told me that 'yep', is Russian for 'sex'."

Peter giggled.

And then more silence...

Until the most unexpected thing happened...

* * *

Sorry its not to long, about 3 pages. Maybe as an early Christmas present, you all could give me some reviews? Hehe? I'll try to update as soon as I can! Promise! Toodles! 


	5. A PREVIEW

Okay, sorry for the wait, but I am afraid you'll have to wait a bit longer, for this is only a preview of what has yet to come.

I am not sure how long this story is going to last. I'm not planning on making it TOO long, because it seems like people are already getting bored of it, but I am thinking about eight chapters. .

Also, thank you my wonderful reviewers for your most appreciated reviews! Helena Valentine, bookwormandpoet, jane, and chibi angel lilluc!

* * *

Chapter 5 The Day After (Merlin Moony, you had HOW many in your chocolate stash!?)

* * *

Sirius grinned deviously as he examined his master plan. (Which might he had, was VERY devious indeed.) It was so deviously deviant, that it was the most deviant ..er...DEVIANT-NESS thing he had ever laid eyes on... it was bloody DEVIANT!

Now that it was thought up, all he had to do was the dirty work...

* * *

"Uh oh..."

Everyone looked up. 'Uh oh' was never good.

James looked concerned. "Er, Moony? What do you mean 'Uh oh'?"

Peter, whom was laying on his four-poster with an ice-pack on his head, ("Bloody wall...knew we shoulda took that damn thing out...") sat up. "And does this 'uh oh' have to do with Sirius? 'Cause he's been gone for the past hour."

Frank 'eep'd. "So that means he could be anywhere!?" His head darted around the room, as if he expected Dumbledore to suddenly appear out of no where, naked, and snogging Professor Slughorn, who would also be in his birthday suit.

"Calm down, Remus didn't even answer."

"Er, yeah he did..."

"No he didn't...see? Re-read a few paragraphs and you'll see he didn't even mention Sirius."

Silence, and some scrolling..."Oh."

"'Sides, Remus already left." Peter interrupted, watching the werewolf dash out of the room.

* * *

Okay, so what d'you think? The full chapter is coming soon, and by golly is it HUGE! Buh-byes!

* * *

Also, how in the WORLD do you get to keep the double enter when you upload the chapters to the doc. manager? It's getting really aggravating. Help would be appreciated. 


	6. A Sirius Adventure

**A/N: Six years later! Wow, I have so many things I could say here, but honestly it would end up longer than the chapter itself. I just want to say a big thank you to those of you who read this and enjoyed it despite this fanfiction's many flaws, spelling errors and overall 13 year old style writing. I've decided to keep it completely intact for my own sake to see my progress over time. This is unedited for the most part, so if you find any errors please tell me in a review so I can fix them! Enjoy this new chapter 6 years late!**

* * *

The boys had decided to split up in the search for Sirius. James took the kitchens, Remus the bathrooms, and Peter chose to stay in the dormitory in fear of roaming professors, so he looked about the Common Room. Frank had wisely chosen to go to bed.

* * *

James slunk beneath his Invisibility Cloak, the fringe sliding barely above his high-tops. Thanks to his growth spurt that summer, even when hunched over keeping himself concealed was troublesome. He paused beside the painting to the Kitchens.

"Sirius," James hissed. The only reponse was a light echo. Sighing, James mourned the loss of the Marauder's Map that occured last week. If only he could find a way to get Filch distracted long enough...

James proceeded to release his bowels. The painting to the kitchens fucking opened, slamming into his face, knocking his glasses askew as well as his body which now found itself on the floor, cold cobblestone an unwelcoming feeling on his ass.

Headmaster Dumbledore chuckled to himself, closing the portrait door behind him, a load of sweets clutched in his aging hands. Dumbledore gave a twinkling glance to James' frozen figure on the floor before continuing on to his room, wistling a tune only known to the man himself.

Fuck this, Sirius can find his own ass.

* * *

Peter sat in the common room, the fire nice and toasty. He hummed softly to himself, eating a muffin he knicked from breakfast earlier.

* * *

"Sirius!" Remus whispered, creaking open a stall door. Nothing but a bog. Remus huffed, sliding down the old crusted wall. How could he find one boy in a whole bloody castleoh my god there are FEET OVER THERE.

No, not amputated feet or something. But feet attached to a human and oh my god he wasn't alone who would go shitting at this time of night in the middle of nowhere oh my god what if it was Snape and he was going to curse him now that he was alone and oh Jesus fuck

And then the feet talked. "Moony!'

The feet talked? And they knew his nickname? Oh my god wait- "Sirius?" he hissed back. The feet tapped- nodded?

Remus clambered onto his own non-talking feet, and opened up the stall three down. Sirius.

"Moony, Moony," Sirius shook his head, sitting on the toilet. His pants were up, thankfully, and feet attached. "Moooooony," this was drawn out. His dark eyes were pitiful and sad, like he had lost a long loved goldfish. Or a good pair of socks. "Moony," he says finally, his elbows sitting atop his knees, scruffy chin sitting in his palms. He really needed to shave.

"Padfoot," he replied, eyeing him cautiously.

"I'm dissapointed, Remus. I thought you were better than this." Sirius sighed softly, scratching his chin thoughtfully, but somehow maintaining both hands under his chin. Remus wasn't sure if he should have ran. "I've waited... so long. Sitting on this common toilet."

Remus' palms were getting sweaty. From anxiety or from the warm air of the lavatory, he knew not. "Have you, now?"

"Years. Trapped in this stinky, smelly shit hole. Literally, a shit hole. Absolute years." He stood, pacing about the small space, at one point doing a small spin to the left of the pot. "After escaping the clutches of our room, I decided to venture out into the world. After being held down so long by the dystopian society known as '', I had finally found my own true identity. After conversing with a galleon I found in my pocket named 'Bethany', I took her advice and made my way to the kitchens."

Sirius paused at this point, looking at the wall as if it had kicked his hamster.

"And you ended up here, how?"

"Got lost," he said simply, flopping back down onto the porcelain. "But I waited here. Praying, hoping, and doing basic mental math exercises. Until years and years later, you found me."

Remus looked unamused. "If by years, you mean minutes, yes?"

Sirius looked at Remus as though he were truly seeing him for the first time. "Minutes, yes. Minutes."

"I think it's time to go back to the dormitory."

"Yes."


End file.
